So Posh is hanging out with Marc Jacobs, these days, is she? What I want to know is how does her former best fashion pal, Roberto Cavalli, feel about this? When did he disappear off the scene? And more to the point, how does he feel to see photos of his Spice chum hand-in-hand with another high profile designer?

Roberto made all those fabby stage costumes for the Spices' tour so I hope he's not now been consigned to the back of the wardrobe like last season's Chloe handbag. Could it be Becks' missus saw him getting pally with the Duchess of York last week and decided to get her own back?

The press is referring to Victoria as Marc's new muse. But I'm not sure how this muse thing works. Can you be a muse to more than one person at the same time? Or is like at primary school where you can only have one best friend, and if you break the rules you're not invited to their roller disco birthday party?

If that's the case then I'd like to offer my services to Mr Cavalli. Personally, I think I'd look great in one of your gorgeous creations - plus I'd actually smile on the red carpet. And you'd never need to doubt my devotion - after all, I even named my beloved pet after you. Surely that must count for something?